CHANGES

"Change is inevitable. Change is constant." - Benjamin Disraeli

CHANGE. six letter word but can have a BIG impact in someones life. I've already see this coming. I've already feel it since day 1. I knew it. I felt bad but I have to accept the fact that change is constant. Why I let myself convinced that someone can be consistent? that someone will not change?Maybe I forgot that it is inevitable. It hurts. This feeling I never thought would come so early. I'm sad. Sad for the fact that no MAN can be consistent. 

Like it or leave it, CHANGE is a part of that so called thing called LIFE. It isn't always easy but resisting the universes will just isn't possible. Learning to embrace and even LOVE change/s equips you for a more realistic and smooth flow of life. Accepting change frees your soul and opens your mind and heart.

Change brings hardships and failures sometimes but it inevitably brings gifts too. Gifts you never imagined. Some not to be seen with the eyes but felt in the heart.

God presents situations and people to bridge us or lift us out of situations that do not serve us. We get signs and sometimes really tough storms to navigate through. We get pushed off the edge but usually things extraordinary and worthwhile root from overcoming adversity.

If you get knocked down, which we all do,know that there's no where to go but UP after that. Shed tears if you need, its water weight anyways! :)

I CAN'T MOVE

I don't know why. these signs, those signs were obviously gives me hints. Why I can't make a move? Why I can't move my feet and use my mouth to speak for what am I feeling right now? I'm stucked. Stucked with the idea that all guys are just the same. I'm sad. totally sad. because I'm afraid to take risk. I'm afraid to be hurt again. I'm afraid to start again with someone else even if I'm no longer happy where I am now. I can't even make a move. I can't even freed myself. I can't MOVE. I really can't.

All I can do is to CRY. cry until I get tired. I don't understand why I let myself prisoned with this things that keeps hurting me. I always talk to God to give me signs and help me to surpass this. Everyday, I overthink regarding this things and I always end up getting a headache and crying.

I don't know what to do. I've already saw the signs but I don't know why I can't move.

The Choice

Thank you.

It was actually kind of hard writing this post for I have so much to say but I don’t know where to start. I’ve been staring at the  screen for hours for a few days yet I still couldn’t find the right words to express how thankful I am when you came.

Thank you.

I’ll never get tired of thanking you.

I don’t know how and why I felt a little familiarity the first time I saw you from the eye. It was like our eyes were talking at each other but I don’t know what the topic was all about. It was my first time to go out with a TOTAL STRANGER. and I never knew that stranger will change my life and will have a BIG impact in my life.

Until one time October 2016, we agreed to go out. Just the two of us. It was one of funniest days of my life. You were like a happy pill to my lungs that I couldn’t stop laughing. Silly jokes turned into deeper conversations, so unforgettable. You made me laugh and smile again.

We talked for hours and share every thing been through, as well as our heartbreaks and broken promises. We watched movie, play at the arcade and eat my favorite food. We always find time to talk to each other by texting or chatting. My life change since that moment, my life became bright again. you made me feel like I'm whole again even though I was brokenhearted. You made me smile. You made me feel that there's more to life when you choose to be happy even the world is full of negativity.

It was like I have known you for a very long time and I almost forgot that you're a stranger. You made me feel I'm the happiest whenever I'm with you. All we had is those funny moments that's worth to treasure. we never had dull moments that's why I'm so comfortable when I'm with you. I trust you so much. I can feel that it's Gods will for us to met. For make us both  happy even for a WEEK. Yes, for a week. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being brave enough. I'm sorry if I hurt you even a bit. I'm sorry for making you feel sad again. I'm weak. I want to chase my happiness--you, but there's something that holding me back. I don't know. I want you to know that in my heart, my choice is to stay with you but I have my own reasons for coming up with this decision, to stay with a man who brought me so much pain for years. I'm sorry, I don't have given a chance to tell you how important and special you are to me.

I know you only want nothing but my happiness. but you know what? with this decision, Still, I wasn't happy. Its just that I have a deep reason why I didn't choose to stay and continue my happiness with you. You never know how my day was since the night I gave you the letter. Everytime I 'm looking on my phone, I'm still hoping that one day, you'll miss me.

I liked you back but there was a lot of buts. We’ve moved on from our past failed relationships but I’m still a little broken. I had trust issues and have learned lessons. Scared to repeat the errors and mistakes. We still had our own responsibilities that needs to be done before stepping into a deeper kind of relationship than friendship. I wasn’t ready with this feeling that I know will bloom in due time.

I used to believe that when love arrives, we'll know that it has. Not that there are signs that point you to get to that conclusion, but because it just feels right and because somehow things are enough. But I should've known that there's always that one thing, one person who'll go against the rules we've set for ourselves and prove us we're wrong to stick to them.

That's exactly what you did for me. You walked right into my life, and I didn't know that that moment would make a big difference a few weeks later. You made me believe in myself, that I could do it, and that I'd be. You made me laugh when I was about to cry whenever I remember my past.

You made me realize that I'm capable and that I will always, always be enough. Whenever I look back, I end up shaking my head and asking myself, "How did I never know?" How did I never know that the one thing I've been looking for was right there beside me all along?

From that moment on, I knew that when love arrives, we sometimes don't know that it already has. Maybe because there's a line you both know you should never cross, just not yet, so you settle on being friends first and set your feelings aside for now. Maybe because you both don't know what's really going on underneath everything. Maybe because one or both of you are scared of the past that lurks in a corner whenever you attempt to get past it.  But maybe it also takes two scared persons to be brave and to make things work. And maybe not knowing is somehow okay because that gives both of you a blank page to work on when your time finally comes.

The thing is, we don't always know when love arrives. Sometimes even love doesn't know that it has already arrived or that it has finally found its home. Because sometimes, love also takes its time but the wait will always, always be worth it.

You’ve inspired me to keep going and to be the best version of myself. You we’re like an angel sent to me from God to care for me, protect me, encourage me and make me believe that I can always be better. You believed in me.


You are a good person I never thought that still exists. Our generation is full of jerks and I almost threw my hopes on meeting a better man. You made me remember that I deserve to be treated right. You made me believe that I am special. You made me feel beautiful.

So I just want to say thank you for making me feel good again. I hope to see you soon and do the plans that we have made. I miss you so much.

Yes, I am happy and proud I met you.


-Therese


My song for you, I'm only me when I'm with you by Taylor Swift:

Friday night beneath the stars,

in a field behind your yard,

you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.

And sometimes we don't say a thing;

just listen to the crickets sing.

Everything I need is right here by my side.

And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you.

[Chorus:]

I'm only up when you're not down.

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.

It's like no matter what I do.

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl

livin' in a crazy world.

Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.

And I don't try to hide my tears.

The secrets or my deepest fears.

Through it all nobody gets me like you do.

And you know everything about me.

You say that you can't live without me.

[Chorus]

When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself.

Only you can tell.

[Chorus:]

That I'm only up when you're not down.

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.

It's like no matter what I do.

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

And I'm only me

Who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

With you

Thank you, Stranger

Timing really is a funny thing, isn’t it? Good things always happen when you least expect them. Sometimes, you don’t realize something good even when it’s right in front of you.

I remember being such a mess when we first met. I was lost, confused, heartbroken, and damaged. You helped me pick up the pieces and make sense of everything, without asking for anything in return just my smile. You kept believing in me, not because you wanted me to be okay for you, but you just wanted me to be okay. You wanted me to be happy again because you saw how much pain I was in.

You helped me remember that I deserved to be treated right, and that’s exactly what you did for me. You were a shoulder to cry on every time I relapsed. You made me feel beautiful every time I doubted myself. You made me laugh all the time. You told me random thoughts to inspire me and funny jokes to perk me up. You never failed to check up on me when you sensed I was feeling bad again and always found a way to turn my day around by inviting me to go somewhere and eat my favorite food--ice cream.

You are a perfect gentleman—a breed I didn’t know existed anymore because of how badly I was treated in the past.

I always thought I was unlucky with guys. I dated boys who made me feel unworthy; boys who took me for granted; boys who made me feel like it was always my fault. I forgot how it felt like to be appreciated and cared for. I got so used to giving so much of myself to others that I left nothing for myself. That’s why it took a while for me to come around when someone finally started treating me right.

But you helped me overcome all that. You reminded me that it’s okay to be vulnerable and it’s okay to feel. You never judged me for taking my time to heal. In fact, you helped me heal and I appreciate it.

So I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for respecting me. Thank you for accompanying me. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for helping me realize my worth.

Now may not be the right time for us, because I still have so many things to figure out on my own (just give me a month, please), but I wouldn't have made it this if it hadn't been for you. You've inspired me to keep going and to be the best version of myself. Because of you, I learned that it's okay to be alone and it is possible to find happiness within myself. So when the day comes that I'm completely okay again and we find ourselves on the same page, I know I will be the luckiest girl in the world. I will find you and I hope it will be worth it.


-Therese